Monday, March 31, 2008


Last night as I was ironing and deep in thought, Scott made the unsuspecting mistake of walking into the room. Before he knew what hit him, my mouth was wide open and words were pouring out. So while I babbled, he stood there patiently...arms folded.

The conversation went something like this, but for the sake of my blog space and your time, I performed an extreme edit makeover on my comments. Delete, delete, delete some more. Scott's comments needed no editing as he is a man of few words.

Me: I think I would enjoy being a mom more if I didn't always feel so guilty about things. Like if I take Matthew someplace that isn't fun, I feel bad that he not only had to sit in his carseat but then that he didn't have that time to play. I know that millions of kids have to ride in the car every day and go places they don't like, but it just makes me feel bad.

Scott: Silence

Me: Do you think I'm weird?

Scott: Babes, there are way more weirder people in the world than you.

Me: And like I would love to take him on more walks, but I feel bad because I don't even know if he enjoys going on walks. He's just strapped in his stroller and isn't playing or practicing walking. And I would love the exercise, but I don't know...I can't even really talk to him while we're on a walk unless I walk right next to his stroller which is difficult...

Scott: He's a dude. He doesn't need you to talk to him all the time.

Me: But do you see what I mean? I just feel guilty all the time. And so if I take him some place not fun, then I feel like we can only go one place and then rush home to let him play. And then once home I feel like I should play with him the whole time but that means I don't get anything else done. you see what I'm talking about? I don't know what my problem is.

Scott: Babes, you're a first time mama.



Rebecca said...

Too funny!! I have had those types of conversations with Andy before... I don't think husbands quite 'get' what we're saying (they're dudes, after all), but they try. :)

I think the guilt feelings are normal. You'll work through those as you continue your mama-journey. Here's what I've learned on mine:

- There is no such thing as a perfect mom.

- I love my kids in spite of their mistakes... they love me in spite of my mistakes.

- It's good for kids to learn that they are not the center of the universe.

- Life lessons are best learned early. You know, the ones like: sometimes you have to wait for your food. Sometimes you have to sit through something that isn't necessarily fun. Sometimes you can't have Mom's full attention. Etc, etc.

I hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad mama. :)

For what it's worth, I think you are doing a FABULOUS job with Matthew!!! What our children need most of all is to know they are loved. I have no doubt that Matthew knows his mama loves him very much.


Ann said...

I love that!!!! Your hubbs is soo soo funny. I have no advice, as I'm sure I'll feel the same way

Andrea said...

My Dear Sweet Tish- I am soon to be a "6th Time Mama", and it never gets any easier.
You ALWAYS feel like maybe you could do things just a little bit better. But God knew that you would be the best Mama for YOUR children. That's why he gives them to YOU.

And your husband is a Cutey-Pattooty for even trying to help. Its the effort that counts! :)


Yvonne Crawford said...

I totally agree with Andrea...I have that guilt all of the time. The worst is when my kids beg for me not to work in the morning and I don't even work that much while they are awake...ughgggh..

I totally feel ya on this post!!

You rock, just know that. I know you are a great mom!

Sherry said...

Girl you think to much... LOL! I think your an awesome mama! Sometimes those husband people never have the right responses but hey you got us in "blogland". Hahaha! I understand what your saying:) So trust me any mama that brings dirt into the house just so baby can play in it b/c there's creepy construction guys outside is a very cool mom! Umm... didn't you do that once?? LOL! LOL!

Just Us said...

Too funny...I agree with Sherry, that you are a cool mamma bringing in dirt into your house to let Matthew play or to let him feed himself knowing all the food will end up on him. Cool mamma!! Kristie

Jenna said...

I read a magazine article when my son was a baby that was specifically written to help us let go of the guilt of taking our kids on errands with us. It pointed out all of the various things kids can learn while out and about: new vocabulary, a chance to observe the ins and outs of social interaction, new sights, sounds, and other sensory practice, and learning patience. All good things. So, no, it may not be FUN, but think of your errands as a learning experience for Matthew- a very valuable part of his day.

And, as for a walk, it is ok to not be the one interacting and providing stimulation for your child every moment. A nice walk in the stroller allows Matthew time for quiet enjoyment of God's creation and just peaceful moments to himself- also good for development. Plus, there is STILL the opportunity for many of the above stated learning!

So, let yourself off the hook! You know you're a good mom when you care enough to reflect on your day, recognize what you wish was different, and adjust for tomorrow. So, you're doing a GREAT job!

Jenna :)

jen said...

Tish, I feel 100% the same way *all the time*, which is why I enjoy being a working mom, because it gives me a little bit of guilt-free time... that is, unless I'm feeling guilty about my patients or co-workers! =) Ah, the life of a perfectionist - what can you do?

Btw, it was a nice day, so I brought Andy out for a walk today - I felt guilty because I wasn't sure he enjoyed it, and I did it more because *I* wanted to get out. Then I felt guilty because I realized I was pondering this while I *should* have been talking to him! =)