Thursday, October 9, 2008

our trip

Well, I guess there are two points concerning our trip to post about...the traveling and my mom. I'll start with the traveling.

Preparing for this trip, I knew I needed some new ammo for the flights. So I made two big purchases in hopes of finding just the right anti-hysteria trick. One purchase was a family size bag of dum-dum suckers and the other was an inexpensive DVD player. Yep, I was more than ready.

I'm happy to report that on this trip no flight attendants were kicked, no passengers threw themselves out the exit door, and we were not banned from the friendly skies. In fact, I didn't even need any of the new stuff, which actually turned out for the best because now I have suckers for Fall Festival and the DVD player had somehow run out of juice making it unusable (did I mention it was "inexCHEAPpensive"?).

M's sleep was, of course, off kilter during the visit, but he held up fairly well. He did, however, sleep until 9 the morning after we arrived home. So now we are back to trying one nap a day...but that is another post.

As for my mom, she is not well. The photos do not reflect the physical suffering that she is enduring. She is not necessarily in pain; she just feels miserable. A few times I found myself apologizing to her for the difficulty I have in truly empathizing with her...for I honestly cannot comprehend what she is going through. I wish I could...wish I could take on the burden...relieve her of the fear. But this is her path to walk just as one day I will walk my own. Yet knowing that does not shield your heart from your mother's sobs.

Here's the thing though...while I do not understand all she is going through, I know the One who does. While I am unfamiliar with the loss, the humiliation, and the separation from loved ones that have come with her cancer, Jesus is not. I trust that not a tear falls upon her cheek that He does not see and is not willing to wipe away with His love. His compassion fails not.

God tells us to "rejoice in all things" and, right now, that is really all I want to do....so....

I am thankful for
- my mom's cat peeing on my sister's futon so that we had to share a bed...which led to very late night gab sessions
- my stepdad who is caring for my mom with a servant's heart...even if it means cinnamon danish cravings in the middle of the night
- the vibrant hues of pumpkins and flowers and turning leaves that brighten even the dreariest of days
- people who work and volunteer in hospice
- being surrounded by family and friends...my heart is heavy for those who go through trials alone
- the absolute confidence I have in the absolute power of God...knowing that He could heal my mother completely and immediately even at this moment...and yet being resigned to His will. This is a gift from Him...not a quality of my own.


7 comments:

Tracy said...

Tish...I'm so glad to "see" you on here again. My heart is breaking for your family. Your family is in our constant prayers. I have always loved you like a sister of my own and please let me know if there is anything I can do during this difficult time.

Lisa said...

I'm not often at a loss for words, but for once I am. Just please know that my thoughts & prayers are with you all during this most difficult time.
I do believe that your visit and the magic of M provided your Mom with tremendous comfort. Her courage during all of this is nothing short of amazing.
Thank you for sharing a bit of this 'journey' with us all....your faith humbles me.
Hugs,
Lisa C.
P.S. Oh gosh, those pumpkin pics. are precious! Can't fully express how cute I think M is!!

Tami said...

Tish,

You amaze me with your steadfast faith in all this.

Your mother is beautiful!

I continue to pray for your mother, you and all your family and friends that are intimately touched by this. I pray that everyone involved (especially your mom) feels God's loving arms around them bestowing strength to endure and peace in His pure, perfect love for us all.

Hugs!
Tami

Andrea said...

You mom does look pretty good.
I think the pictures are great.
I am glad you got them.
The cat pee-n' on the futon is funny.
We are praying for you & your family.

xoxo,
A

Rebecca said...

Tish, you & your mom have been in my thoughts & prayers constantly. I am sorry that I can't share how you feel... hearing your mom weep and listening to her fears & seeing her physical suffering must weigh so heavily on your heart. How does one cope? I just pray the Father's arms hold you & your family especially close right now. May He receive glory even in this. I love you sister!

Rebecca said...

PS I love the photos of M with the pumpkin. You are such a good mama AND daughter.

xoxo

taiwanbaby said...

Tish,

glad your back it seems like it went well. M is such a handsome little dude. I was with my mother through her breast cancer and I can empathize with you. I am sending you, your mother and the rest of your family many, many good thoughts and wishes. Your mom did a great job with you!! I'm sure M cheers her up enormously.