Only by God's grace...

Matthew has not been having good sleeping nights lately and then today his naps took a turn for the worse. A turn for the worse!!! It was like someone snuck in and gave him some Vivarin or No-Doze or whatever it was that people took in college to stay awake during finals. Not to say that he wasn't dog tired...just that he wouldn't sleep. Let me say that I now understand why sleep deprivation is used as TORTURE in some countries (I was actually wondering today if I would rather undergo sleep dep as torture or have my fingernails pulled out one by one). I get frustrated when he is awake night after night, and irritated when I can't make appts/plans because I never know how his night will will affect his day, and selfish when I have to sleep on the little twin in his room that feels like it's giving me bed sores. Normal? Probably. Ugly? For sure. So I was thinking about all of this in the shower tonight when this thought came to my mind: "Lord, I don't want Matthew's sleep to get better until you change me!" This is not to say that I don't want my baby to be rested and healthy...but to say that I want my baby's mama to look more like Christ. Compassionate. Unselfish. Long suffering. A Servant's heart.

Only by God's grace can one say, "Please don't take away the thorn in my side until You use it to take away the sin in my heart." Only by God's grace.

UPDATE: Sometimes I think his sleep issues stem from the high doses of caffeine running through his veins??? He slept decently last night...was AWAKE at 5:30. I did finally get him to go back to sleep after his 6:30 bottle...in my arms. Then at 7 something before his eyes were fully opened, he "bounded" (not exaggerating) out of my arms, had crawled to the end of the twin bed, and was trying to bounce his bed with his arms. This was literally within seconds of waking. Maybe even milliseconds. He is just one busy boy.