Thursday, December 18, 2008

Mother Nature, Father Time

I think it was right after my 35th birthday that I received the message. It went something like this:

Dear Tish. Stop. Happy Day after your 35th birthday. Stop. The party is over. Stop. Yours truly, Mother Nature and Father Time. Stop.

Yes, that was the year in which Father Time cackled as he pushed the "warp speed aging" button on my life, and Mother Nature lifted her wing of protection and, well, kicked me to the curb. Since then, my physical self has been coasting downhill at the speed of a Jamaican Bobsled Team.

Now...I know that in God's economy, a youthful appearance is not what it's all about. And I am so grateful to know that, by His grace, as my "outer man" is perishing, my "inner man" is being renewed day by day. It's like having some serious 100% effective anti-deterioration cream slathered on my soul by the hand of God.

HOWEVVVVVVER, I inherited two lovely traits from my Papa. #1. Big hands. #2. Some funky-droopy-eyelid thing. I'm thinking that, unless Jesus calls me home soon, my eyelids are going to start brushing against my kneecaps when I walk. Not even kidding. In my mind I picture holding them up with toothpicks, but really, when did toothpicks ever make good fashion sense to anything but an olive?

And so...I heard that this can be corrected with surgery. Suuuuurrrr-gery. Not a word that gets me giddy. I scar like madwoman (hmmm...could it be from vitamin deficiency from lack of vegetables in my body?), and I'd rather spend the money on something useful like clean water for villages. BUT...on the other hand being able to see without having to tape my eyelids to my forehead could be considered useful, I guess...and due to the sight-hindering nature of funky-droopy-eyelid thing, some insurance plans cover it!

Now I don't need these lids propped in the next week or anything...but we might as well "poll" about it, so let me know your thoughts about plastic surgery in the sidebar.

unimportant sidenote: have you tried the Archer Farms Hot and Spicy chips? They will make your mouth cry "UNCLE", but your hand will be going back for more!!!


Just Us said...

Hey Tish, while I don't see what you are talking about with droopy eyelids..b/c they look fabulous to me. I'm all for plastic surgery if it makes you feel better and not be self-conscious about yourself later in life. My only hang up is that I'm too chicken to ever do it...I hear about those less than 1% horror stories and think that could be me. eeek. So I say go for it if you think you can handle going through the surgery.

Tish said...

@ know, i'm not sure that i could go through with it...unless the problem was really hindering my eyesight, which is possible. i would be in that 1% of the horror stories and end up having the doctor's watch left in my head somewhere and losing my sight completely and finding out after waking from anesthesia that my insurance co. went bankrupt.

dan and rachel said...

hahaha! this is so funny!!!!

my neighbor had that surgery a few years back and it all went well. i never noticed though. i thought she was beautiful either way!

Lisa said...

Tish, among your many gifts is the gift of writing! You just tickle me and its down right clever how you pepper humor right in with the heavy stuff too!
That being said, I think you are beautiful through & through! BUT, if the need arises and you must have the surgery to save those 'lids', I know you would do careful research and that HE would deliver you safely through it!
That's weighty stuff to consider....oh, and I voted...I will be curious to see what others' think!

Sherry said...

Oh girl your toooo funny! Your beautiful & totally don't have to worry about that although Im all for "enhancements". LOL! Actually I do visual field testing for patients that want that procedure and I gotta say if its hindering eyesight you gotta do it:) Plus the heal time isn't to terrible. Have you seen the new procedure though... they attach strings under the skin and just pull everything tight again. I'm so getting that done when I start the "saggage". Hahaha!

Here check it out:

Colleen said...

I came across your blog through Ni hao Y'all....You are so funny!!! I was cracking up reading this post!!!! personally I am all for plastic surgery if it makes you happy...I say what ever makes a person happy go for it! Thanks for the giggle : )

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I missed all this bloggy-goodness - you've been posting away lately!

The image of you taping your eyelids to your forehead is one I will not soon forget. Awesome!

I had some crazy eyelash issue for a few years where they would literally grow DOWN into my eyeball. It was annoying to say the least and driving was nigh impossible! I did everything - hot eyelash curlers, PERMING THEM - everything! Alas, they eventually corrected themselves (somewhat).

My point, and I do have one, is that I can imagine how annoying droopy eyelids can be. Get'em fixed for your own sanity.