The "I" word...and I don't mean Iowa!

The Declaration of Independence guarantees our right to life, to liberty, and to bear children. Ok…so maybe bearing children isn’t a right we have as Americans, but we can tend to think it is a right we have as humans. When 60 year old celebrities are fathering babies and 15 year old mall rats are mothering them, it is difficult to understand why something so seemingly simple for some can be so complicated for others.

In our trip down infertility lane, we were told by one of the nation’s best Centers for Reproductive Health that we fall into the 15% of couples who have “unexplained infertility.” At first, I didn’t want to hear that because I just wanted to know the problem and how to fix it…to be in control. But the words “unexplained infertility” were exactly the words I needed to hear.

I will write about my process of working through the emotions of infertility in steps, NOT because it is that easy and clear cut, but because it makes for easier reading.

Step 1 for me was getting down to the basics of life. What did “unexplained infertility” really mean? I searched my Bible for verses about life and was quickly reminded that infertility is not really “unexplained.” I am not in control of creating life and neither are the doctors…that miracle is reserved for God alone.
- In whose hand is the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind? Job 12:10
- But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the Lord had closed her womb. 1Sam 1:5
- Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb. Gen 30:22

Step 2 for me was about fairness. If God alone creates life, then why was He withholding that blessing from us? I remember asking God “You say in Your Word to be fruitful and multiply…how can I do that if You aren’t letting me?” This was especially difficult when I would see people who I thought (in my oh-so-wise-and-unjudgmental opinion--haha) seemed to be unfit parents. “Why them and not us?” There were moments of questioning if God was punishing me or being mean…but that is not how God operates.

Step 3 for me was focusing on God’s character.
First, He is wise and He is working out a plan that is much bigger than me and my life.
- For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

Second, He is love; He is good; He is compassionate; He is caring.
- For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jer 29:11

His plans are perfect and are always for His glory and for our good. This reminder allowed me to be able to see people who I mentioned in Step 2 and pray “God, I know you have allowed that child to be born to that family, and I pray that you will use that baby to draw the parents to You.”

Step 4 for me was knowing God in a more intimate way. Infertility is difficult. The emotions are difficult. The treatments are difficult. The decisions you make are difficult. But it is during difficult times that we tend to cry out to God, and He is always faithful to respond. It is almost as if He says to us, “Will you walk down this path with Me? It will be difficult, but I promise to be with you.” The Bible says that God is our Rock, but how can we know Him as our Rock if our knees are never wobbly and needing a place to rest? It says that He is our Peace, but how can we know Him as our Peace if we are never in the midst of turmoil? It says He is our Strength, but how can we know Him as our Strength if we are never weak?

God gives people various gifts with which to glorify Him. He is also glorified when we believe in Him, trust in Him, praise Him, love Him, etc. I believe that our infertility was indeed a gift because, through it, He was glorified and we were changed. And we have been blessed in ways that are almost inexplainable.
- Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Eph 3:20, 21

I read an article about a young girl with a rough past whose prayer is that God will not allow her to be too comfortable because it is when she is not in her comfort zone that she clings to Him most. If we desire a life of ease, we will miss out on the amazing joy of watching God’s power work in and through our lives. We will miss out on the intimacy that comes from depending on Him for every need. And we will miss out on God's best for us.

By His grace I know that I am barren for His glory.

We made it through the China Review Room!

HIP HIP HOORAY! Our China dossier, which was logged into China's system on 8-10-06, was finally reviewed! We began the process for China in March of 2006, so this has already been one long wait. At this point they have only placed children with familes who were registered before November 25, 2005, so the wait has really just begun!

I have had some questions concerning our adoption process, so I will try to briefly address them here. After being married a couple of years and not getting pregnant, our PCP referred us to the local Center for Reproductive Health, which is one of the best in the nation. We had every test imaginable and were finally told by one of the physicians that we fall into the 15% of couples who have "unexplained infertility." The doctors couldn't find a cause, nor could they determine which of us was "infertile." After 6 rounds (9 months) of Inter-uterine Inseminations and other various humiliating (UGH!) and painful (OUCH!) procedures, we decided to move in another direction. Was it a difficult decision? I will address that in another post so this one won't be too long.

Before we left for Taiwan to meet Matthew, a lady said to me, "I don't know why you have to go all the way to Taiwan when there are children to adopt here." I suppose that view is understandable if you don't believe in God's hand in your life...if you think that people go and adopt just ANY child. I explained to her that God's perfect plan for our family included Matthew and God chose for Matthew to be born in Taiwan rather than Texas; therefore, it was to Taiwan we would go.

People may say they "decided" to adopt from here or there, but I believe that decision comes from God putting His promptings in your heart. When we began to research countries, we also looked at the US as well as other countries, but we felt drawn to Asia. I had looked at one agency representing Taiwan, but noticed their requirement for length of marriage excluded us from adopting there, so we applied for China. At the time it was a 9 month wait from application to referral. After 9 months we realized our adoption wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so we decided to look at the possibility of adopting from another country while we waited for China. I visited a family's blog who had adopted from Taiwan and then contacted their agency at the mother's recommendation. This agency supported a program which did not have a marriage length requirement, so we were good to go (although as a twist in the plot we received notice the week before we received Matthew's referral that the agency was increasing the marriage requirement, which would have kicked us out of the program, but then the officials made an exception for us). We applied in late 2006, finished our paperwork in early January 2007, received a referral in March, and traveled in August.

I have no doubt that God placed Matthew in our family. Perhaps our China adoption was a diversion until Matthew was born and ready to join us, or perhaps God has plans for our family to include a child from China, too. Perhaps we will eventually have a biological child, or perhaps we will adopt domestically. I don't know, but I know the One who does know...and I can rest in that!