confessions of a first-time mama

Since Scott has Bible Study on Thursday nights, I ususally try to take M out for dinner and an evening activity. I call it our "date," but it would be more honestly labeled my "sanity saver." BTW, mad props to you single mamas out there. If it wouldn't be idolatry, I might worship the ground you walk on.

Last night was the dinner fiasco that included screaming, crying, and a little kicking of the feet...oh, and M threw a fit, too. Relieved to be leaving the restaurant, we headed to a special bookstore. Stuck in a back corner of this store is a toddler-high train set which M loves. As we made our way toward the train, I was suddenly overcome by a strong force...and like a magnet to steel, I was drawn to the magazine section.

I stood in front of the bountiful selection...trying to shield M's eyes from the bountiful cleavage on some of the covers. Walking back and forth along the racks, I weighed my options. Dwell? No, that will just make me question my choices of paint color. Newsweek? Not enough brain power to concentrate on news. Parents? Just.Can't.Do.It.

Ahhhh...here we go...In Style. Pleased with my selection, I began to turn away. All of the sudden, a celebrity mag jumped into my hand, too! I shrugged my shoulders and walked away with magazines in hand.

As M played with the trains, I sunk into mind-numbing bliss...

Oh, Jen, surely you can do better than John Mayer!
Rihanna, love the new hairdo!
Wow, Victoria Beckham actually owns a pair of flat shoes! Who knew?

Of course, when people would walk by I would totally snap to it...

Matthew, what color is that train? Good job!

Can you make the train go down the hill? Oh, I knew you could!

But when they walked away, my attention turned to fall fashion and Britney's new beach-ready body.

As we left the store, I felt a little lighter...less serious...and even good enough to assert the brain power needed to get M away from the train without a tantrum.

And what is M doing as I type this? Watching a video!!!!!!!! Yes, a video. Shame, shame, everybody knows my name. And not even his sign language video or his left brain logical thinking video. Nope. He is watching the Wiggles. Double shame.

Ahhhh, so there you have it...my confessional. I feel better already. Guess it's time to turn off the TV and go make some homemade playdough.

Sidenote: Does anyone know of block-like things that you can put together to create a roller-coaster of sorts for rolling balls down? There is one on his logical thinking video, but I can't find it in stores. Magnetix has one, but the pieces look too tiny for his hands and mouth.

On a roll, baby! After our morning video extravaganza, I thought it necessary to teach M the fine art of dunking cookies in milk. Afterall, how can we expect him to grow into a self-respecting adult if he doesn't master this skill? Besides, I think it is required knowledge for college entrance exams.

Touche'

Last night as I was ironing and deep in thought, Scott made the unsuspecting mistake of walking into the room. Before he knew what hit him, my mouth was wide open and words were pouring out. So while I babbled, he stood there patiently...arms folded.

The conversation went something like this, but for the sake of my blog space and your time, I performed an extreme edit makeover on my comments. Delete, delete, delete some more. Scott's comments needed no editing as he is a man of few words.

Me: I think I would enjoy being a mom more if I didn't always feel so guilty about things. Like if I take Matthew someplace that isn't fun, I feel bad that he not only had to sit in his carseat but then that he didn't have that time to play. I know that millions of kids have to ride in the car every day and go places they don't like, but it just makes me feel bad.

Scott: Silence

Me: Do you think I'm weird?

Scott: Babes, there are way more weirder people in the world than you.

Me: And like I would love to take him on more walks, but I feel bad because I don't even know if he enjoys going on walks. He's just strapped in his stroller and isn't playing or practicing walking. And I would love the exercise, but I don't know...I can't even really talk to him while we're on a walk unless I walk right next to his stroller which is difficult...

Scott: He's a dude. He doesn't need you to talk to him all the time.

Me: But do you see what I mean? I just feel guilty all the time. And so if I take him some place not fun, then I feel like we can only go one place and then rush home to let him play. And then once home I feel like I should play with him the whole time but that means I don't get anything else done. ACK...do you see what I'm talking about? I don't know what my problem is.

Scott: Babes, you're a first time mama.

Touche'.

First Time Mama Tip #43

Never let your baby eat half of a mini-watermelon at dinner. Why?
1. Dinner is right before bedtime.
2. There is a reason it is called a WATERmelon.