How to prepare for becoming a parent

This was posted by a member of my yahoo group:

HOW TO PREPARE FOR BECOMING A PARENT
Lesson 1: Go to the grocery store. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2: Find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience and parenting style in general. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's feeding schedule, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3: To discover how nights will be...Walk around the livingroom from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound)playing loudly. At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the livingroom again, with the bag, until 1AM. Set the alarm for 3AM. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink. Go to bed at2:45AM. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4AM. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Lesson 4: Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stickyour fingers in the flower bed. Then rub them on the clean walls.Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5: Dressing a toddler is not as easy as it seems. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6: Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars have a certain look. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the CDplayer. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.There. Perfect.

Lesson 7: Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full- grown goat is excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out ofyour sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8: Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

Lesson 9: Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy'repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 10: Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your pant leg, shirt sleeve, or elbow while playing the mommy' tape made from Lesson 9 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

You're gonna love it!

This time my ultra creative BBFF Rebecca has totally outdone herself! Check out her new blog design HERE! It is the coolest blog in the bloggy universe and is only missing a referral photo...which we trust is coming soon!

C'mon Spring!

Great weather today...so we went to the park! And afterwards to Twisters for a bean and cheese burrito then to Walgreens to touch all the Valentine's Day balloons! We are so ready for spring!

A snack before the park

Lovin' the swings

Not quite as brave as last fall

Gotta have some sand time

AN UPDATE ON SLEEP

For a while...a short while...we had a few nights where Matthew wasn't waking up throughout the night! We were happy...we were rested...we were SUCKAHS! Oh, it wasn't that our baby wasn't waking up, it was that our monitor was broken! We could still hear the white noise sounding stuff, but no baby! Just within the past few nights, his sleep has become worse...possibly from teething...and he has been restless much of the night. Today the poor guy was sooo tired all day long...even with his naps.

You may remember that my doctor told me to turn off the monitor if I would still be able to hear Matthew cry at night. So why do I still have it on? Because it has been cold and to keep the bedrooms warmer at night, we have been closing the doors. There are four closed doors between me and my boy, so the monitor is a must for this new mama. I actually don't like this set-up and was whining to Scott about how, if anything happened, I would have to go through four doors to get to the baby. His response: "Babes, that's why God gave you opposable thumbs."

New prayers for America

New intercessions for week 7 are listed at my new site

More dirt...

Yes, Smooch, I know he doesn't match!





This picture reminds me of the famous photo of the man leading the skinny cow across the parched land. Our ground just looks cracked; it's not that dry...at least not right now!



Here Matthew is breaking 2 house rules:
1. No wearing hats at the table
2. No wearing hats gangsta style at the table

Today we were in the kitchen, and Matthew was in his walker. I asked him to take a dishtowel to the laundry room, and he took off! With just a little help after a run-in with a column, he made it! His piggy bank is getting full from all the allowance we have to give this hard-working boy!

Matthew eats like a champ! In fact, he could probably eat non-stop all day. If he sees me starting to make a meal, he gets a little nutty til I give him something to eat. His spoon skills are really good, although he turns the spoon over once it gets to his mouth to dump the food on his tongue. I'm trying to help him get out of that habit because sometimes he turns and dumps before he gets to his mouth!

White Rose Blooming

Little Gwyneth Rose is a month old! To check out her video go to this site and scroll down to the "White Rose Blooming" post.

Men at work

just a cute one i threw in



Matthew washing his chair after dinner




washing the cabinets, washing his car



doing some business deals over the phone with daddy (can you see the phone in matthew's hand?...this shot was not set-up!)